Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Heavy heart but happy belly

I've had the day from hell. One of those where you just lose faith in humans. It's most unlike me because I have one of those Pollyanna outlooks normally but sometimes, just sometimes mind, too many things crawl under my skin and claw at my heart and the rips are too sore to Pollyanna-over. And then it's just one of those days.

It didn't start well, admittedly. You see, my sister was here with her partner, N, for the weekend from The Big Smoke which was so, so lovely, but too short and her leaving made me feel wretched and hate the fact that The Big Smoke is 1 400km away. The thing is that, not only do I adore my sister but she is also 6 months pregnant. With identical twins. I shall be Aunty Aunty Shiny. And the li'l creatures kicked me on my cheeks as I held my face to her tummy and spoke silly words to them. The fact that it was twins was one of the two fabulous things that happened on my birthday. The other was the fact that my best friend in Australia, K, is also pregnant.

These twin babies are a huge thing for my family. I think my parents had resigned themselves to the fact hat they wouldn't have grandchildren. My sister is gay. And I will never have my own children (yes, yes, I'll eventually tell the story of The Tragedy and it'll all become clear. But not now, not yet, certainly not today, when my heart is already shredded). But then she and her partner N, who is lovely too, decided it was time and, voila! Babies for us. A new generation of us. And twins! Turns out we have them on both sides. My parents couldn't be more thrilled. Me neither.

Anyway, putting this fabulous news in writing has made me feel slightly lighter, if a little more longing to be in the same space as that incredible growing belly and all the happiness that surrounds it.

Anyone know any good Astral Travel teachers?

5 comments:

allie said...

Ohhhh.
I don't know what to say - just I was here and I heard you.

tam said...

we have coookies....
its not too late, you can still leave the mountain and come to the land of evel piles of yellow dirt.

is ok to let yrself be blue sometimes. if you were always pollyanna it would be a bit creepy...

Miranda said...

Ah, I hope you feel better today. Must be something in the air and stars, I had one of those days too. It's such fab news about your sis. Soon soon you'll be a shiny aunty, how exciting! Will you be in the BIg Smoke for the birth? I'm going there in June/July to have mine. We should catch up if you'll be around....

Shiny said...

Allie - thank you!

Tam - it is SO very tempting. All the more so after feeling the little critters kick in her tummy - amazing.

Miranda - I will be up yes. Yey! It'll be a hive of big-bellied people and then lovely new little wriggly things! Definitely will make a plan.

xx

Rambler said...

Sending you the biggest hug... and very excited about the twins... that's amazing news...

Lots and lots of love gorgeous girl!

Miss you

cx