Friday, June 5, 2009

This is not a love letter

Okay, so I got temporarily removed from the Real World there for a bit, but am back again and must get onto that Facebook e-mail... I was surprised and amazed by The BFF this morning when he suddenly, quite vociferously over a gentle cup of coffee, told me that I must get back to writing. He wanted to read the (cheesiest of cheesy) story I'm trying very hard to write for my course. This was surprising in that he's never shown an iota of interest before. I denied him the pain of it though.

So, back to my Stalkbook mail. Let me set the scene. When I first put myself on Stalkbook and I was in that initial flush of new Stalkbook love... You know the one, before you start despising the forty three application requests challenging you to compare your IQ to Britney Spears' etc. My best friend, K, who lives in Sydney, and I joined My Aquarium - an application which gave you a fish tank into which you could put all manner of water creatures, kindly bequeathed on you by loving Stalkbook buddies worldwide. Our mission quickly morphed into seeing how full we could make our tanks before they burst or the poor creatures ran out of air. For the record, you can fill a tank with 23 octopi, 4 whales, 102 starfish, 23 goldfish, 45 frilly feral fish (etc), no problem!

Needless to say, the novelty of My Aquarium wore off once we realised the thing would never burst, releasing hundreds of (possibly feral) sea creatures into the pages of Stalkbook... I had, admittedly forgotten about it until I received this mail last week:

We have decided to focus on something more exciting. My Aquarium's name and functionality will be changed next week to SpeedDate, a fun way to meet new people. Data entered into the original app won't be used anymore. Feel free to check it out.

My Aquarium

Hysterical. The aquarium people have given up on fish and moved onto dating. And they're assuming we all want to too. A letter formed in my head:

Dear My Aquarium Speed Daters,

Thank you so much for your e-mail last week. First I feel I must apologise profusely for neglecting my (rather full) aquarium after losing interest in it completely sometime last year. It's just that, well, I got bored whenI realised it'd never burst from over-fullness. Sorry to be so blatant, but my mother has always said one should be completely honest, no matter what. Another thing she taught us, though, was to tend to our pets carefully, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything to her about the complete neglect I have shown to all my watery friends.

But back to the point - while I think it's very kind of you to take such an interest in my love life, I'm not sure I'm interested in Stalkbook Speed-dating really. In fact, honestly, I'm completely not. I'm fascinated, though, in how you made the connection between aquariums and dating. Please let me know.

In the meantime, I'd prefer not to move from virtual table to virtual table having five-minute virtual conversations with virtual people so that I can find my virtual match and, presumably, eventually land up getting virtually married, having two virtual children, and living happily ever after in a virtual house with a virtual white picket fence. As nice as that sounds, of course. Unless... there's something virtually enticing about it. Like maybe being able to make the ones who are virtually not worth spending time with burst, by giving them too many virtual peanuts and virtual whisky. Just a thought.

Thanks for caring though, it's very sweet of you, really. Please remove me from your mailing list immediately, I get enough bloody spam already, ta.

Lots of (non-speed-dating) love,
Shiny x

Or is this a sign?


jacki janse van rensburg said...

“YouTube,Twitter and Facebook will merge into one super time wasting website called YouTwitFace.” - CONAN O'BRIEN

instead of having to fake a headache, we could fake a hard-drive crash?

thanks for the :-)

Rambler said...

Hahahah... I had the aquarium for a day I think. Totally dull. As soon as I deleted it I started virtual dating, so I totally get it.

Shiny said...

Jacki - oh, I love that - YouTwitFace!

Clive - I always forget you're the poster boy for online dating! Good on you xxx

Anonymous said...

Ukrainian Distributor Of Overstock & Obsolete Parts. Products Include: semiconductors, Connectors, switches, relays, Thickness & Measurement Testing Equipment and more.

Best wishes,


please contact us:
fax: +
skype: radiodetali123

Anonymous said...

выкуп заводских остатков электротехники

ICQ 427-616-956

PJ051 (2.50mm center pin) Есть
Разъем DHS-78M
Инвертор IBA70 (12В пост.ток/220В перемен.ток 70Вт, встроенный аккумулятор и USB-разъем) 7дн
Шлейф Samsung F400/F480 +коннектор на складе
Разъем IDC-отв.часть с защелк. 2х 5 (п) на плату (104313-1) (AMP)
Разъем кабельный ШК 4х15А
Гнездо FORD FIESTA Radio - переходник на разъем EVRO
PJ039B (1.30mm center pin) Есть
PHU-16 Разъем питания 16 конт. шаг 3,96 AE812761
Разъем питания PJ-1B
СШР48П20ЭГ2 Р роз блочн(перкрут с СШР48П20ЭШ2 5пз 88г) Коннектор
Краевой разъем на шлейф 14 pin
Разъем 25 pin (п) на кабель (DB-25M) (черн, син.)
2РМ27БПН24Г1В1 (роз блочная) 89г без упак сост отличное
Разъем SPEACON 4MC каб.
7-0026B Фн4-Фв1,7 Разъем питания (50)(250)
РП15-10 гв3-6в группа Разъемы ---11202
Разъем RST20i3 96.031.0051.4 -96.031.0051.4 Запрос WE
ГРПМШ1-61ШУ2-В разъем 82г
ШР16П2НШ5 89г роз.каб Коннектор
Разъем RST20i396.031.0153.0
2рт20п5нш7-ан роз Коннектор отк
Scotchlok O/B+ -3M
Nokia N70/7500/7370/6233/6120/6101/5700/E61/E65 Нижний разъем КОМПЛЕКТ (5 шт) 7дн
Разъем RST20i3 96.033.4053.1
1-480, Разъем mini DIN 4 pin (S-VHS) "гн" пластик на плату
Разъем PH-6MP вилка на блок < 100
Iphone ,IPODMA850G/A разъем 3,5мм капля (белый) коробка ОРИГИНАЛ Гарнитура iPad, 7дн