A letter to the computer geek

This one needs no introduction.

Dear Computer Guy,

I have spoken to you about this before, but you seem not to get it. I realise that you are superbly clever and sophisticated in a technological way, but I am not. I keep telling you this. While I am incredibly impressed with your prowess when it comes to computer talk and eternally grateful to you for updating our database, I honestly couldn’t give a rat’s arse as to the intricacies of how you did it.

To be honest, when my eyes glaze over as you start explaining in minute detail, your face close enough to mine for me to count the pores on your nose, it is not from gushing lust (as you seem to think), but pure, unadulterated boredom. Your careful explanation, to me, sounds like “blah, blah, blah”, possibly in Japanese, but I can't be sure.

Thank you, again, for your help, I honestly couldn’t have done it without you, but please, in future, can we keep our communications in English, and at a respectable ‘personal space’ distance?

Love,
Shiny x

P.S. About those pores… I’ve got a fabulous face-wash at home. Shall I bring you a little sample? I stole some urine sample collecting vessels from the pathologist when I was there having blood taken, which are just the right size for a little face-wash sample. Let me know (in English, not computer Japanese.)

I wonder if it's just me that glazes over at the mention of 'visual basic'?