Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Angry Shiny

Warning: This post is extraordinarily, self-indulgently, navel-gazily me-me-me.

I just realised something. I’m cross. Not just a little bit cross, but seethingly angry, as if my insides are snakes. On the outside I have my Shiny Suit on that makes me look just like Shiny – dark-haired, smiley, even-tempered and relatively good-natured. It’s just a shell, though, that looks like me. Inside the snakes are a-slithering.

I’m angry at everything, everybody, the world and its brother. There are a whole lot of different snakes, the work frustration, the other frustration, the admin pile, the unhappy pile, the other pile, etc… each a snake, slithering and sliding, snapping at each other’s tails, and me.

I know I need to get out, to get air, to breathe and at the same time I know I have to gain some kind of acceptance of where I am now but… I. Don’t. Want. To. That acceptance stuff all sounds like a bunch of self-help hoo-ey. And you know how I feel about self-help hoo-ey.

Instead, I’d like to lie on the floor and kick and scream and stop breathing until I’m blue in the face and then take a huge lungful of air, and scream some more. Which all sounds very adult and productive and, we all know, including me and my slithery snakes, that it probably wouldn’t make me feel any better anyway, so I shan’t subject the poor people around me to it.

Instead, I’ll keep hatching plans in my head, looking up into the sky and breathing, breathing, breathing.

3 comments:

Mud said...

Sweetheart - the snakes are writhing and need to be stamped on! So sorry you're feeling that way. WIll wine, sunshine, open spaces and the chance to breathe help? I am sending anti-snake vibes from Kosovo - can you feel them?
xx

Kristin said...

I hope you find a way to let the snakes out; I'm so sorry they found their way in.

Shiny said...

Mud - thank you, yes, all of those'll help! Am going to go in search of them and drown the snakes in sunshine-filled wine xx

Kristen - oh, I will! Just feeling ridiculously sorry for myself xx