Thursday, January 27, 2011

Midnight swirling

It was one of those nights when thoughts swirl malevolently around my bedroom twisting me up in my bed clothes, breathing hotly on my already burning skin due to the sticky summer night. It’s nights like those that bring things to the fore. Things I don't want to see.

Suddenly those dim, shady figures in the background, the ones that I can push away in the light of day and noise of life, come rushing forward, showing me their faces. Up close, in my face, their stale breath twisting up into my nostrils. They no longer whisper, but scream, directly into my ears, their beady eyes stare directly into mine. There’s no turning away. It hurts my ears.

This is the time to face those truths, here, in the dark, sticky night. Alone. There’s no running, I am rooted to the spot. To fall asleep means falling down that hole, into that vivid dream world, the one that can be, at once, freeing and imprisoning. To stay awake means to face those screaming, beady-eyed, swirling creatures.

The chains are so heavy. The lock is huge. The key is lost.


Angela said...

The tiny donkey is on its way and will protect you.

allie. said...

I am going to say someting and risk it setting your teeth on edge, ok?
Because I can't bear to think of you experiencing these awful things and feeling so isolated and abandoned.

Jesus is just a breath away. He will not intrude but at your whispered invitation He will be in your scary place, with you.
Doing what only He can do.

"Jesus loves you, this I know . . ."

family Affairs said...

Well, I don't know about Jesus, but your writing is beautiful and I hope that at least makes you feel better in the daylight hours Lx

tam said...

I'm sorry babe that's so hard. I've recently started having nightmares again after years of sweeet dreams. You know what they say about taming dragons? You stare them down. You're a brave lass. You can do it. What you resist persists, the wise man said.

Shiny said...

Geli - oh, thank you!
Allie - thank you too.
FA - it does indeed. Nothing like a compliment to make one grin inwardly.
Tam - I'm staring, and they're going down.