Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The nature of relationships

I wonder about relationships. I watch other people’s, I look at mine, and I wonder at the nature of them. Obviously, they evolve. I have had some relationships that evolved well, some that didn’t, I’ve been lucky not to ever have any that have exploded into nasty situations. I’ve seen that happen to lots of other people. I guess it depends on your nature, too. I don’t do conflict.

The point that I was pondering, though, is the evolution from that fizzy, fabulous initial phase. The one where SMS’s fly back and forth, and the air feels electric, all the time. The evolution to something more comfortable, less frenetic. It’s a lovely space.

I’m arguing with myself, though, and wondering where the line is between just loving someone entirely and being clingy? Are there rules about how much contact you make? Is it okay to still want to be wrapped up in each other, six months down the line? .

And by wrapped up in each other, by no means do I mean wrapped up to the point of exclusion of anybody else. I am also lucky not to have ever been one of those people who drops their friends whenever I get into a relationship (I learnt with my First Great Love the dangers of such foolishness). I have fabulous friends, why would I ever want to drop them?

Can one continue with the excited-to-call/message/e-mail part of relationships or, at some point, does one have to get into that grown up, humdrum relationship? You know the one.

8 comments:

Name: Crazii Redhead said...

Don't let it become humdrum, it'll be over before it began! Keep the excitement, it's what will keep you both young at heart!

Mud in the City said...

Grown up isn't always dull. I look at my godparents in their 70s and see them holding hands walking round the garden and sharing secret glances. Over 40 years married and how perfect still to be in love......

Shiny said...

Crazii Redhead: you're right, I should keep the excitement. It's fabulous.

Mud - I LOVE to hear stories like that. Hold thumbs for me that this will last (and I'm holding mine for you... your soulmate will pitch up, for sure. Soon soon)

x

tam said...

Comfortable and humdrum so not the same. Keep the suprises coming,always!Its glue for those times when, well, the world intrudes with nastiness. Relationships never stop being work but work doesn't mean boring or arduous, it just means you can't take it for granted. As for wanting immersion, that's always been a tough one for me, and many times I've almost lost myself, putting the other's point of view over mine. I learned that its good to own your neediness though. As in "I'm feeling so needy right now and I need more closeness than usual. I realise it might be overwhelming for you, but that's where I'm at." Should I write a self help book? I sound lectury, its the Sagittarius in me.

Shiny said...

Tam - you should write a self-help book, you're very clever. Please just keep giving me your pearls of wisdom, though, because I refuse to read self-help books. Perhaps I should sit her in my sad corner and think about that... snigger x

Shiny said...

Tam - you should write a self-help book, you're very clever. Please just keep giving me your pearls of wisdom, though, because I refuse to read self-help books. Perhaps I should sit her in my sad corner and think about that... snigger x

Angela said...

Can I still comment? My husband and I have been married for 41 years, we met at age 17 and 21, and we still feel the same way! Still electric waves, and all that. No, it does not stop with time or age. Just keep on flirting with him!

Shiny said...

Angela - of course you can still comment, especially with such a lovely comment. It makes me smile, and restores my faith in humanity a little to hear things like that. Thank you xx