I realised the other day that my ‘Tragedy’ story is far from finished when Allie, well, told me so! It’s a long story but, I guess, the thing that I haven’t reached yet, in the telling of it, is the crunch.
You see, while I spoke in Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 about the acute happenings (and that story is far from finished) of that fateful day in 1996, I didn’t get to the bottom line. So, because this is my 200th post, I’m skipping to the last page of that book, and I’ll fill in the rest, um, sometime later. Deep breath.
I am paralysed. Quadriplegic. I am in a wheelchair. I can move my arms, but not my fingers. I can move my shoulders, but not my legs. I can feel from a line just above my boobs and up, but nothing below that. I need help with most things.
I can breathe. I can think. I can speak. I can see, and smell, and hear. I can love. And I do.
I have avoided this blog post for all this time maybe because I wanted to keep my head buried in the sand. I don’t think that’s it, though. It was (and is) more the fact that, in my everyday dealings with people, the wheelchair is the first thing they see (and forgive me, I am generalising hugely here). Before they see me, they see the chair and, often, they miss me completely. Here, though, on this page, I am seen. Just me.
It’s like blogs take away the pretty/ugly/scary/torn and broken cover of the book (which we all share, as humanity, just to different degrees and in different ways) and just reveal the beautifully intricate stories inside, without the exterior distractions. It’s like going straight into people’s souls. Thus, my turmoils with the anonymity of it all.
I have never wanted this blog to be a record of my paralysis, or to be stories of the struggles (and happinesses etc) of The L’il Wheelchair Girl (as my friend SJ refers to me), so I’ve not said anything. That’s not what this blog is about. I may, or may not mention it again. It’s part of me, though, and now seems the right time to just be honest. It may explain some of my more cryptic posts. Or not.
I wonder if I should be feeling as if I just took off my skin and dumped it in the corner, revealing my soul beneath, exposed and raw?
16 hours ago