Thursday, January 7, 2010

Long-time love

Someone I know really well told me today that she has been in love with (and having an affair with) a married man. For twenty years. She was scared of my reaction. I was filled with sadness for her. He is a steadfast man who will never leave his wife. He has been completely honest about that, always. They have tried to end it over the years, but she loves him and has, therefore, never managed to sustain any other relationship (despite numerous attempts).

She told me with such deep-seated grief at her love for a man she can't have, the love shimmered off her. What tragedy to be in love with someone with whom you spend such fleeting moments. It made me realise and thank my lucky stars for what I have, as complicated as it is (and I mean that in a not-the-complicated-way it sounds. Mine involves no cheating spouses, thank god. Sorry... still not public knowledge. Yet.)

It's not that I condone infidelity in any shape or form, it's just that, as you get older, you realise that there really are (at least) two sides to every story. Each person's story has multiple facets, some which twinkle and shine when looked at from one angle and look dark and murky from another.

Twenty years, though. Twenty years?


fush and chips said...

Sad story, your friend's.

Never dallied with a married women, myself. "And whom god has joined together, let no man put asunder" just got drilled into me too young, I guess.

family affairs said...

Well I like you "Mr Fush and Chips" because that's my attitude too I'm afraid....slightly biased given an affair that my husband had resulted in the break down of my marriage....Still. I am not judgemental about it - I have friends having affairs.. I just think it means you need to address what's wrong with your life. How could he have been so devious for so long and not get caught out? and you're right. What a shame for her not to have shared a full life with somebody. She needs to move on and find somebody else. He is being immensely selfish. IMHO. DYING TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR BLOKE THOUGH = WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TELL US LXX

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

My husband screwed around on me. Tell your friend it's not love on his side if he is not with her. end of story. he is having his cake and eating it too. She needs to rediscover her self-respect which after 20 years of being a doormat is going to be a tad tricky!

Shiny said...

Fush - bloody good thing to have drilled into one I'd say... saves much heartache later on!

Family Affairs - all true. He is selfish, she is sad, it's tragic really. Nobody wins. My love story? It's imminent.

Anon - again, true. I really wish she would, she deserves to be happy, and loved.