TDoT(3): Something you have to forgive yourself for

Not being perfect. I know, I know, I've heard it - nobody's perfect so why should I be? Exactly. I've heard it, I know it on surface but I still haven't 'got it' and I beat myself up regularly when I fall short, make mistakes, get things wrong. I need to forgive myself.

For not providing my parents with the suburban dream of a husband and two kids (which they have never asked for,or shown any disappointment about, it's all me), for sometimes just feeling too drained to pick up a phone and see how people are doing, for covetting what other people have, for drinking too much sometimes, for forgetting somebody's birthday, for feeling angry at people who's fault it isn't really, for acting like a teenager when my mother's around, for still occassionally wondering what it would've been like had it not happened, would it have worked out? The list is endless.

I need to forgive myself for my (numerous) imperfections, to remember I'm human, and as humans we fuck up occassionally and it's okay.